i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
