He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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