Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
