No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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