Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
