I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
