whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
