I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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