I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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