Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
