Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Randomize
