we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
