MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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