i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
