She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
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