I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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