You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
