Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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