how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
