what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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