all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
