Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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