she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
