the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
