I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Is it because I queefed?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
