We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she told me i tasted like america
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
