dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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