the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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