he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
