I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
