TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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