I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
