Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Boobs speak an international language.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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