So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
