I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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