wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
