I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
