Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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