I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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