my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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