This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
