I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm at about main and main street
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
