like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
