she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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