2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
