Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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