I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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