we're chasing vodka with high fives
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I wish i was in the wii world.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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