Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
