he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
