you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i believe in u and ur pee
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
