If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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