I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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