yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
