dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
