Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
