Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
